The dog

This is our dog. His name is Blu. He also goes by Bluey, Bubby-Wubbies, Blu-dog, Blu-horse, and Big Man. He can't type but if he could he would be blogging too.

Things Blu might blog about:
- his ball
- Buddy
- chasing squirrels
- his ball
- cheese and other great people food
- his ball
- how he's not quite sure about the whole swimming thing
- snuggling
- Max the cat
- his ball
- Grandma

The Real World of Waiting

After reading the post made by The Boy, I was suddenly inspired. My contribution this week and in future weeks will be stories from work that piss me off. While the movie "Waiting" may give those who do not work in a restaurant a little taste of what this kind of work is like, I feel that my posts will help everyone remember what to do and what not to do when dining out.

Let me give you a little history. The restaurant I work in used to have order at the counter service as opposed to full service with a waitress. However, one FULL year ago this service was changed to entirely full service. This means that those who enter the restaurant see a host or hostess to be seated at a table where a waitress, perhaps myself, will take care of them. For those customers that have a hard time figuring out what the podium is for at the entrance, there is a helpful sign that reads "Please see greeter."

So yesterday as I was going into the second part of what turned out to be a 14 hour shift, a family comes in the door and proceeds to seat themselves. At this point in time the hostess grabs them, walks them past the please see greeter sign again, and then places them at a table in order to avoid overwhelming another waitress. Lucky for me, this family was now seated in my section. However, before I could go to get their order they walked to the counter to ask for some drinks. The cashier standing at the counter nicely instructed them that their order would be taken at the table. When I greeted them they asked me when it changed to full service. In my head I answer this question "A F*CKING YEAR AGO!" They then told me that they had not been in to eat in a while so I understood their confusion, but was still frustrated with their presence. Although annoyed, I asked them what they would like to drink and even suggested some delightful happy hour specials. The man asked for a pitcher of beer. I responded to this as I always do, "I am sorry sir we do not sell pitchers of beer. We do have tall drafts and buckets of beer instead." In response to this statement the mans looks at his wife and says "Man this place sure has changed a lot." BUT in reality it hadn't changed much at all because we have NEVER sold pitchers of beer.

Once I got their drinks and took their order the man at the table shared with me that he was "such a huge fan" of one of our new menu items. It was at this time that I experienced a light bulb moment. If they had not eaten in the restaurant in over a year and that is why they did not know to see the hostess or order from me.....THEN HOW COULD THEY HAVE EATEN A NEW MENU ITEM! In conclusion, some people should always EAT AT HOME!

Let's Hug It Out Bitch!

Ah, yes, today is July 26th and the 41st birthday of the glorious creature we refer to as Jeremy Piven. I would like to take today to celebrate all the wonderful contributions he has made to this world by posting the top 5 Ari Gold quotes from Entourage. (Please feel free to post your own favorites)
5. Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!

4. You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

3. Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend

2. That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

and finally..... (as previously seen on this blog)

1. You're going to have to call me a lot earlier than 5 a.m to wake me up, you cunt muscle!

Today is actually quite the star studded day with numerous celebrity birthdays.
Kate Beckinsale is 33, Sandra Bullock 42, and kevin Spacey 47.

July 26th is also "All or Nothing" day. I think I pick nothing. Does that mean I get to take a nap now?

In breaking news, Lance Bass of N'Sync has come out of the closet. The first of the five boy banders to go public. Didnt he use to date a bunch of girls???? maybe that was one of those Backstreet boys. I think at least one of them pretends to be straight. But anyway, sorry ladies, we've lost another one.

Do the humpty-hump. Let’s do the humpty hump! (This one's for you John.)

Happy Hump Day everyone. Bet you didn't know the term hump day was first used by the media in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1965. Those Minnesotans sure know how to hump.

Wednesday originated from the Middle English (which derived from Old English) word Wednes dei, which refers to the Old German God, Woden. I saw a picture of Woden and I'm pretty sure he was never called Sir Hump-a-lot.

When Sunday was taken as the first day of the week, Wednesday became the middle of the week... a la Hump Day! Ironically, says Wikipedia, Wednesday is also unofficially referred to as the "peak of the week." Yes, how ironic.

All this talk of Hump Day reminds me of that time when Suzanne was 4 or 5 and we convinced her to ask Mom if she wanted to hump her! Should we call you Suzamme, or Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty? Ahhhh...char char char char char!

I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

Jon Stewart Will You Marry Me?

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/index.jhtml?ml_video=71967

Watch this clip from Thursday's Daily Show. If you aren't laughing and crying by the end, there's no hope for you. It's just over 5 minutes and every second is worth it.

What You Need to Know! 7/21/06

Welcome to the very first installment of What You Need to Know. Sorry it has taken so long to get this going but now maybe Marie will get off my back. (I dont know how she expects me to blog and beat my high score on Minesweeper all in one day!)

Today is Friday July 21, 2006 and it is National Tug Of War tournament Day, so grab 5 of your closest friends, a rope, and call it a party. I know what I'm doing during lunch today. This weekend also wraps up Captive Nations Week. Not quite sure what this means but it makes me a little nervous. July is also Wheelchair Beautification Month! This weekend I'll be heading to my favorite local nursing home with some chrome polish and streamers to kick off this rowdy celebration!!

I couldnt be happier that it's Friday and I couldnt be happier that I heard on the radio this morning that Naomi Campbell was arrested... AGAIN... for assaulting someone.... AGAIN. This time however it wasnt someone who works for her. It was her ex-boyfriend. Someone please give this crazy bitch a reality show... Nigel , Mark , The Donald- what are you waiting for?!

In other celebrity news, Robin Williams turns 55 today and Josh Hartnett is 28. The lovely former attorney general Janet Reno is celebrating her 68th birthday today as well. Don't worry Jan, you've still got it!

This Day in History:
Today in 1925 John T. Scopes was convicted of violating Tennessee state law for teaching Darwin's theory of evolution in what was known as the "monkey trial." This conviction was later overturned. AS DAMN WELL IT SHOULD BE!

Celebrity Gossip for $300, Alex

What would be your ultimate 6 Jeopardy categories?

Mine would be:
1)Celebrity gossip (This actress's son and a character from A Separate Peace share the same first name. Who is Phinnaeus, Alex?)
2)Quotes from Major League, the movie ("You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?" Who is Eddie Harris to Pedro Cerrano, Alex?)
3)Types of Produce (This fruit is shaped like a star. What is star fruit? Duh, Alex.)
4)U.S. Government acronyms (Federal Agricultural Mortgage Corporation. What is Farmer Mac? Alex, since when was Farmer Mac an acronym?)
5)U.S. Politics (This politician told a Senator to "Go F*ck himself". Who is Vice President Dick Cheney, Alex?)
6)DC Metro Area driving directions (66W to 267W to 495 to 270N, exit 10. What is Marie's old commute?)

-- Thanks to Paul (and Douglas Coupland) for the suggestion!

Can Paris Bring Peace in the Middle East?

"I play dumb like Jessica Simpson plays dumb. But we know exactly what we're doing. We're smart blondes." - Paris Hilton

"I think every decade has an iconic blonde — like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana — and right now, I’m that icon.” - Paris Hilton

I'm not sure what the world is coming to when a) things that come out of Paris Hilton's mouth make front page headlines, and b) she compares herself to Princess Diana. Nonetheless, her statements are just too good not to share.

Also making headlines today is the threat of Bush's first veto over embyronic stem cell research. Bush believes, plainly, such research is "murder." Can anyone please explain the logic where stem cell research = murder = veto and Iraq war = murder = sanction? Not to mention, allowing federal funding of stem cell research could potentially SAVE millions of lives.

Anybody watch Last Comic Standing last night? Who is your favorite? Who do you think will get voted off? I'm pulling for Josh... who by the way get benefit from embryonic stem cell research.

I'd like to close out today's post with sage advice from Mom: "The only advice I have, so far, is to treat her with respect, be honest, and wear a condom."