Why? Cause it's fun

We all have one. Mine starts with a cup of coffee, yogurt or cereal bought from the office cafe, and a "Good Morning" to all the cubicles I pass as I make my way to my own. It's your morning routine, and if you're anything like me, when something is missing (specifically the coffee) your day doesn't start off quite right.

Regardless of what you're routine might entail, perhaps a trip to an out-of-the-way office bathroom for a little privacy follows your coffee, I have one thing that is a must for all of you to add. Each day after I say my good mornings, I sit down at my desk, turn on my computer, and start the waking up process. I check my emails for anything urgent and then make an immediate move to the Aol Television website. Working at Aol (I know what you're thinking, and yes, Aol does still exist) I have the pleasure of browsing through websites as a part of my actual job. I was doing just that when I stumbled upon the gem that is "TV's Top 5." On the television site there is a channel that does a run down of the top five TV moments from the day before. Sometimes they consist of sitcoms, but mostly just ridiculous moments that happened on TV. With all the recent Late Night controversy (I'm on team Conan and always will be) a lot of the top five picks have been clips from last night's monologues (which have been a real gas lately if you missed them). The website is below. Visit it, love it, bookmark it, favorite it, add it to your 'not doing work at work' list and be jealous that it is actually part of my work. And, lets be honest here, who doesn't appreciate a solid laugh first thing in the morning?! Oh, and, you're welcome.

CLICK ME. TV's Top 5!!

What You Need to Know! Week of 1/11/2010

We are in the second week of the new year and things seem to be getting back to normal. Don’t know if that’s good or bad. Big news this week is the earthquake in Haiti. I’ve seen pictures of the damage online and on the news and its pretty nasty. Here are some websites for organizations providing relief in Haiti. Please donate what you can.
http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/
http://www.redcross.org/
http://www.unicefusa.org/

On a much lighter note, I’m looking forward to some better gridiron action this weekend since 3 out of the 4 playoff games last weekend were total suckfests. Here are my predictions (Feel free to add your predictions in the comments):

AFC Championship
Chargers over Colts

NFC Championship
Saints over Vikings

Superbowl
Chargers win it all!

Not only is there playoff football to keep you on the edge of your seat this weekend, but the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards will be held Sunday evening which are just as thrilling to me. As an award show enthusiast, the Golden Globes is my favorite award show because it combines both television and movie awards. I love the red carpet interviews, the fashion, the speeches. Its fantastic! Not to mention the hilarious Ricky Gervais is hosting this year. Its must see tv. And here are my predictions for the Globes:
(I’ll let you know how I did next week)

Best Motion Picture- Drama
Avatar
The Hurt Locker – My Pick (upset!)
Inglorious Basterds
Precious
Up in the Air

Best Actor-Drama
Tobey Maguire- Brothers
Jeff Bridges- Crazy Heart
George Clooney- Up in the Air
Colin Firth- A Single Man
Morgan Freeman- Invictus – My Pick

Best Actress- Drama
Emily Blunt- The Young Victoria
Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side
Helen Mirren- The Last Station
Carey Mulligan- An Educaton – My Pick
Gabourey Sidibe- Precious

Best Supporting Actor
Matt Damon- Invictus
Woody Harrelson- The Messenger
Christopher Plummer- The Last Station
Stanley Tucci- The Lovely Bones
Christoph Waltz – Inglorious Basterds – My Pick

Best Supporting Actress
Penelope Cruz- Nine
Vera Farmiga – Up in the Air
Anna Kendrick- Up in the Air – My Pick
Monique- Precious
Julianne Moore- A Single Man

Best Motion Picture Comedy
500 Days of Summer
The Hangover
Its Complicated – My Pick
Julie and Julia
Nine

Best Actor- Comedy
Matt Damon- The Informant
Daniel Day-Lewis- Nine – My Pick
Robert Downey Jr – Sherlock Holmes
Joseph Gordon-Levitt- 500 Days of Summer
Michael Stuhlbarg- A Serious Man

Best Actress- Comedy
Sandra Bullock- The Proposal
Marion Cotillard- Nine
Meryl Streep – Its Complicated
Meryl Street – Julie and Julia – My Pick
Julia Roberts – Duplicity

Best Series- Drama
Big Love
Dexter
House
Mad Men – My Pick
True Blood

Best Actor- Drama Series
Simon Baker- The Mentalist
Michael C. Hall – Dexter – My Pick
Jon Hamm – Mad Men
Hugh Laurie- House
Bill Paxton- Big Love

Best Actress- Drama Series
Glenn Close- Damages
January Jones- Mad Men
Julianna Margulies – The Good Wife
Anna Paquin- True Blood – My Pick
Kyra Sedgwick – The Closer

Best Series- Comedy
30 Rock
Entourage
Glee
Modern Family – My Pick
The Office

Best Actor- Comedy Series
Alec Baldwin- 30 Rock
Steve Carell- The Office
David Duchovny – Californication
Thomas Jane- Hung – My Pick
Matthew Morrison- Glee

Best Actress- Comedy Series
Toni Collette – United States of Tara
Courtney Cox- Cougar Town
Edie Falco – Nurse Jackie – My Pick
Tina Fey – 30 Rock
Lea Michele- Glee

All About Bikram Too

I read Suzanne's last post about bikram and rather than comment, decided to write my own blog because bikram yoga is that awesome.  I'd done yoga before, but I guess I never had a great teacher because I couldn't get excited about it.  Enter bikram, where you go through 26 poses (twice) over 90 minutes in 105 degree heat with 40% humidity.  I have never experienced anything so physically, mentally, and emotionally challenging. You have to have stamina, strength, balance, and flexibility, but you can't do the physical without deep concentration and meditation.  At times you feel dizzy, nauseous, and weirdly vulnerable, but you can only tell yourself to breathe and keep going. My mind is rarely quiet, but bikram gave me the chance to just be in the moment.

The heat is beneficial because it helps warm the muscles, work deeper, and release toxins through all the sweating. Say what you want about toxins in the body, but I've had a sinus infection for the last 2 weeks. The day after my first bikram class was the first time that I've actually felt better.  I also felt very alert and had a lot of energy. In short, I felt amazing. And in 3 days I've lost 2.5 pounds. I know its just water weight, but it hasn't come back yet, so dammit, I'll take it. 

I am addicted!

Bikram Baby

Every holiday season the three girls and boy (plus spouses these days) draw names for Christmas presents, a budget is set, and the shopping begins. This year a new twist was added to the name drawing when our blessed mother made the rule that all gifts had to be something that bettered our lives in the long run, something for our mind, body, or soul. Marie and I opted for asking for the same gift. We wanted to try our hand at Bikram yoga and requested some free sessions at one of the near by studios.

We took the plunge this week and entered the 102 degree studio for the first time. Prior to going I met Marie at her apartment. As I sat while she gathered her things, our conversation went a little something like this:

Marie: I hope it goes by quickly

Suzanne: It makes me nervous it's an hour and a half

Marie: Look at my huge mat

Suzanne: At least it's yoga. We will get to lay down some.

Brian: I hope you don't pass out

Needless to say, we weren't the most enthusiastic pair.

Fast forward to two hours later..... Marie and I exit the studio able to ring the sweat out of our clothes and feeling pounds lighter. We traded thoughts on the class and found ourselves making plans to go back the next night. We are getting ready to embark on our third class of the week. I think I am addicted. While the half naked yoga goddesses, hot temperature, and the 1.5 hour time frame are all intimidating factors, I figure I'll do just about anything to look like Jennifer Aniston (a Bikram yoga enthusiast).

Don't let the picture at the top frighten you. People do dress in the minimum to come to class, but I have seen nothing like that before (not what I would refer to as a yoga goddess). I recommend going to a bikram class to everyone. It's a nice break from the treadmill or any other normal work out routine.

Us Weekly Delivers Breaking News

In a moment of boredom at work (shocking, I know!) I decided to start perusing my favorite websites (UsWeekly, People, DListed) to see what’s going on in the world (or the world of celebrities and celebrity wanna-bes) and I run across this headline:

Ouch! Channing Tatum Severely Burns His Penis

At first glance, I got excited because I think Channing Tatum is a total hottie and I’m hoping this headline is accompanied by a picture. After reading the entire headline I find myself befuddled, disgusted and a little curious but still kinda hopeful there may be a picture. I know the curiosity must be killing you so here is the whole story:

"Channing Tatum Is Proud of His Package," declares the February issue of Details.
And he should be.
In the issue, the actor, 29, opens up about surviving a painful accident that caused severe burns to his penis.
He had been shooting the drama The Eagle of the Ninth last October in the freezing cold Scottish Highlands.
"The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit," Tatum, 29, tells the magazine. "We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I'm like, Nah, I'm good. And then I thought, Why not?
"Thing is, he'd forgotten to dilute the kettle water," he continues. "So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick."
He was rushed to the nearest hospital -- an hour away. On the way, however, the ice pack he was applying to the burn lost its chill.
"I said to the driver, who was ex-special-forces Marines, 'You might have to knock me out, because I don't know if I can take the pain. Just grab something and hit me on the back of my head,'" he recalls.
Morphine eventually did the trick, he says, but it was still embarrassing.
"I had five guys looking at my shriveled, burned penis," he says.
Looking back, he says, "It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life."
Rest assured, "I'm good . . . now," says Tatum, a former stripper. "Now my penis is fantastic! One hundred percent recovered. Put me back in the game, Coach."

I really dont have any commentary on this story, just thought that this should be shared.

3 New Shows You Should Be Watching

If there is one thing I know in this world, it's television. It’s my passion, it’s my hobby, sadly it’s my favorite thing to do. I could write a 20 page paper on how the DVR is the greatest technological triumph of my lifetime. So I thought I would share some of my knowledge to better your tv-watching experiences.

There were a lot of good, new shows in the fall. I’m going to skip talking about Glee and Community and give you the 3 best new shows that you may not be watching but should:

1. Modern Family, ABC Wednesday 9:00pm- This one is definitely starting to catch on because so many people are talking about it. It is probably the funniest show on tv right now, period. It is laugh out loud funny and has great lines that you will find yourself repeating every day.
Summary:
This mockumentary explores the many different types of a modern family through the stories of a gay couple, comprised of Mitchell and Cameron, and their daughter Lily, a straight couple, comprised of Phil and Claire, and their three kids, Haley, Alex, and Luke, and a multi-ethnic couple, which is comprised of Jay and Gloria, and their son Manny. These three types of families are being taped by a Dutch documentary crew who are using them for an upcoming reality-based television series due to air in The Netherlands.
Hilarious Clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_CmBsi17_0&feature=related

2. The Good Wife, CBS Tuesday 10:00pm- This show has everything you'd want from a courtroom drama with a scandalous backstory that will keep you hooked. Not to mention the great cast that includes Julianna Margulies, Chris Noth and Christine Baranski.
Summary:
­THE GOOD WIFE is a drama starring Emmy Award winner Julianna Margulies as a wife and mother who boldly assumes full responsibility for her family and re-enters the workforce after her husband's very public sex and political corruption scandal lands him in jail. Pushing aside the betrayal and public humiliation caused by her husband, Peter, Alicia Florrick starts over by pursuing her original career as a defense attorney. As a junior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, she joins her longtime friend, former law school classmate and firm partner Will Gardner, who is interested to see how Alicia will perform after 13 years out of the courtroom. Alicia is grateful the firm's top litigator, Diane Lockhart, offers to mentor her but discovers the offer has conditions and realizes she's going to need to succeed on her own merit. Alicia's main competition among the firm's 20-something new recruits is Cary, a recent Harvard grad who is affable on the surface, but is competitive to the core. Fortunately, Alicia finds an ally in Kalinda, the firm's tough in-house investigator. Gaining confidence every day, Alicia transforms herself from embarrassed politician's scorned wife to resilient career woman, especially for the sake of providing a stable home for her children, 14-year-old Zach and 13-year-old Grace. For the first time in years, Alicia trades in her identity as the "good wife" and takes charge of her own destiny.

3. White Collar, USA Tuesday 10:00pm- I would consider this show a dramedy and is very much like Catch Me if You Can. Its fun, there's a little drama and mystery and Kelly Kapowski is in it. (Dont worry, she has a small role)
Summary:
White Collar is about the unlikely partnership of a con artist and an FBI agent who have been playing cat and mouse for years. Neal Caffrey (Bomer), an incredibly charming criminal mastermind, is finally caught by his nemesis, G-Man extraordinaire Peter Stokes (DeKay). When Neal escapes from a maximum-security prison to find his long-lost love, Peter nabs him once again. Rather than returning to jail for his daring getaway, Neal suggests an alternate plan: he'll provide his cunning criminal expertise to assist the Feds in catching other notorious and elusive criminals. Initially wary, Peter quickly finds that Neal provides insight and intuition that cannot be found on the right side of the law.

There are also some new shows coming this spring that look promising.
Parenthood, NBC Premiers March 1st
"Parenthood" is a one-hour drama created by Ron Howard and Brian Grazer inspired by the box-office comedy hit of the same name. This re-imagined and updated production introduces audiences to the very large, very colorful and imperfect Braverman family. The dynamic star-studded cast includes Peter Krause, Lauren Graham, Craig T. Nelson, Dax Shepard, Bonnie Bedelia, Monica Potter and Erika Christensen.

The Deep End, ABC Premiers Jan. 21st
In a city where wealth and power rule, everyone strives to make it to the top. For five eager and attractive law associates, being accepted into one of Los Angeles' most prestigious law firms is the first step on their way up. But as they soon realize, the law offices of Sterling are far more cutthroat than they could have ever imagined and they must fight for themselves and their clients to stay afloat in these shark infested waters.

What You Need To Know! Week of 1/4/10

So the ever so popular What You Need to Know posts will now become a weekly issue. Although I would like to do it daily, it just cannot physically be done. And I cannot promise that the weekly posts will be created on the same day every week. Hey! I’m human and I get moody and this annoyance called my job sometimes gets in my way.

So this is the first week of the new year (how many times have you said 0-ten???) and can we just agree that the first full week back to work after the holidays is probably the worst week of the entire year. I don’t know if it’s the fact that there isn’t a holiday for the next 5 months or just having to do actual work, while at work, for the first time in weeks is what makes it so hard but it sure is a kick in the face.

So I guess the big news of the week is the death of Casey Johnson. If you call a booze-drinking, pill-eating, lesbian for attention idiot biting the dust news. Anywho, I thought it would be fun to take a poll guessing on what the toxicology report is going to say. Here are your choices:
1- (Fill in the blank) mixed with alcohol
2- Prescription cocktail (one of which is a sleeping drug)
3- Something injected with a needle
4- Old school cocaine overdose
Please vote in the comments.

On a lighter, less vicious note Tuesday was Bradley Cooper’s 35th birthday. I am happy to report that over the weekend, Matt and I finally joined the rest of the world and saw The Hangover for the first time. It was spectacular as expected and in honor of the gorgeous Mr. Cooper’s birthday here is a compilation of some of the best lines from the movie: (I love making lists, maybe my posts need some sort of regular countdown…. )

Alan: "Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon."

Alan : It's not illegal, it's frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.

Sid : Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you.

Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?

Phil: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.

Alan: Not at the table, Carlos!

Stu: Doug is probably face down in a ditch right now with a meth head butt-f**king his corpse!

Mr. Chow: Its funny because he's fat!


And here is a picture of Olivia doing her best Carlos impression. (Thanks Erin)

THE NEW SNUGGIE

No, I'm sorry, I'm not talking about a hyperversion of the backwards robe that caused just as much ranting and raving in 2009 as the beanie baby did in 1996. BUT, rather, the latest get fit miracle worker, the Shakeweight. This disco stick shaped weight that vibrates and tones was first shown to me by a friend and I only thought it fair to share its hilarity with the masses (or ya know, the fifteen people that read this blog).

It's a shame that the news of this gem didn't spread before the holidays so it could be a must have item at your office gift exchange or the to-die-for gift in everyone's stocking. My recommendation, go ahead and pick one of these bad boys up and be a hit at the next party you go to (Also available for men).

Check out the video below where Ellen showcased the Shakeweight for her audience and viewers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kmrFBnrkqg

"You might as well call it a hand job cross trainer" - John Quirk

What You Need to Know! 12/30/09

By request, I am bringing back the posting series known as “What You Need to Know.” It is not without nerves though as I think I may have lost some of my funny. (I blame it on decreased levels of alcohol in my system) So I will try to block out the stress from work, the worry of how much milk I’m currently producing and the never-ending grocery list in my head and channel the funnier, carefree, younger (and drunker) me of 3 years prior. Here goes…..

Today is Wednesday December 30, 2009 and it is National Baking Soda Day (or National Bicarbonate of Soda Day for all you Chem majors). A day to put aside our differences and celebrate all the wonderful uses of baking soda… to name a few:
1. Helps baked goods rise
2. Tenderizes meats
3. Removes odors
4. and most importantly, can be mixed with vinegar to create a volcano.

There’s not a whole lot going on in celebrity news other than Tiger going into hiding and Charlie Sheen acting like… well, Charlie Sheen, so I’d like to recap this year with my

Top 9 Favorite Celebrity Stories of 2009:

9. White House Crashers- These people are clearly delusional enough to be worthy of their own reality show… I’d watch.

8. Chris Brown- You suck. The best thing about you is the cool dance the wedding party did to your song… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0 (that was awesome)

7. Michael Jackson- Talk about the story that wouldn’t go away. Larry King is still uncovering breaking news on this one. (too soon?)

6. Balloon Boy- Glad to hear his parents are going to jail but the best thing about this story was Falcon (or Pigeon or whatever is name was) throwing up live on The Today Show and me watching it live wondering why Meredith was continuing with the interview.

5. Jennifer Aniston/John Mayer- This may not seem very exciting to you but hey, this is my list and I will always be interested in who she is dating. I love ya Jen!

4. OctoMom- (or as I prefer, Octopussy). What a crazy! Someone take those kids and remove her uterus pronto!

3. David Letterman- I love me some Letterman and he may have behaved badly but I still love me some Letterman.

2. John and Kate- OMG! Stop Talking! And everyone stop acting like her haircut is trendy and cool. Its bad, REALLY BAD! And is John Gosselin not the biggest douche ever?! The picture of him at the MGM pool hosting a “pool party” pretty much sums up his douchery. I have to admit though, I was addicted to this story.

1. Tiger- The greatest thing about this whole story was that he banged some skank, who was a waitress at Perkins, in his car. I don’t know what’s more troubling… him banging the skank or the fact that Tiger eats at Perkins!

Greatest Hits

Just for entertainment purposes, please read two of my favorite previous posts by Marie and Victoria. I can't wait until I force them to start posting again full-time.

Let's Hug It Out Bitch!

Ah, yes, today is July 26th and the 41st birthday of the glorious creature we refer to as Jeremy Piven. I would like to take today to celebrate all the wonderful contributions he has made to this world by posting the top 5 Ari Gold quotes from Entourage. (Please feel free to post your own favorites)
5. Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner's mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don't think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!

4. You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I'm gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

3. Yeah, and Hilary Swank has a vagina, but she won an Oscar pretending she has a dick. That's what actors do. They pretend

2. That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

and finally..... (as previously seen on this blog)

1. You're going to have to call me a lot earlier than 5 a.m to wake me up, you cunt muscle!

Today is actually quite the star studded day with numerous celebrity birthdays.
Kate Beckinsale is 33, Sandra Bullock 42, and kevin Spacey 47.

July 26th is also "All or Nothing" day. I think I pick nothing. Does that mean I get to take a nap now?

In breaking news, Lance Bass of N'Sync has come out of the closet. The first of the five boy banders to go public. Didnt he use to date a bunch of girls???? maybe that was one of those Backstreet boys. I think at least one of them pretends to be straight. But anyway, sorry ladies, we've lost another one.

posted by Victoria at 12:28 PM 1 comments links to this post


Do the humpty-hump. Let’s do the humpty hump! (This one's for you John.)

Happy Hump Day everyone. Bet you didn't know the term hump day was first used by the media in Minneapolis, Minnesota in 1965. Those Minnesotans sure know how to hump.

Wednesday originated from the Middle English (which derived from Old English) word Wednes dei, which refers to the Old German God, Woden. I saw a picture of Woden and I'm pretty sure he was never called Sir Hump-a-lot.

When Sunday was taken as the first day of the week, Wednesday became the middle of the week... a la Hump Day! Ironically, says Wikipedia, Wednesday is also unofficially referred to as the "peak of the week." Yes, how ironic.

All this talk of Hump Day reminds me of that time when Suzanne was 4 or 5 and we convinced her to ask Mom if she wanted to hump her! Should we call you Suzamme, or Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty? Ahhhh...char char char char char!

I like to rhyme,
I like my beats funky,
I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

posted by Marie.

BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

Dear Three Girls and a Boy enthusiasts (aka Jessica Lovelady, Beth Heppert, and Kerry Cavanaugh),

Thank you for your demands to bring this blog back live and kickin! Beth said it best when she commented that us girls and our boy have had a lot of changes since our last post on my blessed twenty first anniversary of living. We started this blog a few years ago after feeling the need to share our witty, raw humor with the world in hopes that we would be discovered and given the reality show that we so deserve. When months and many hilarious posts passed without a million dollar offer from any big time networks at a prime time hour, our blog fizzled out. This post will be my effort to get the other two girls and our lone boy back on the blogging wagon. Let me take up a little bit more space on the page and little bit more of your time to catch you up on the past three years. Yeah, that's right, three years...we were hip to this blogging game a long time ago.

All girls, except me, and the boy got married in the last year. So, I guess now you could technically say we have two more boys and a girl to throw into the mix. In addition, to the fabulous people who married into the family, we welcomed our first little one, Olivia, who is quite possibly the sweetest and most adorable baby I have ever laid eyes on.

As you can see, our family has been growing and, in return, growing our stories. So fans, aka three people who care about this blog still, keep your demand coming and keep your fingers crossed for more posts from the other members.

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Chest Bumps and Fist Pumps to our baby girl, Suzanne -- Sue, Suzers, Suzy-Q, Two-by-Two -- who turns 21 today. Cheers to you Sue! Ahhh...char char char char.

Happy 21st Sue!!!

It is the end of an era. There are no underage drinking Loverns anymore. We are all legally allowed into bars. Hey, I'll drink to that.

Happy Birthday Sue!

Text Messaging, Friend or Foe?

A friend mentioned she ran into an old boyfriend in Adams Morgan who suggested they get together for brunch on Sunday. She accepted, warily, only to receive a text message from him several hours later saying he had to cancel. Spineless.

After telling a guy I wasn’t interested in being the chick he sees when he has nothing better to do, I received a random text message from him a couple months later with the question, “Are you still mad at me?” No phone call. No “Hi, how are you?” Only a follow-up text asking if I was going out that night. Dickhead.

Another friend received a text message from her ex-boyfriend while in the middle of a business meeting. She had not spoken to him in months. The message said, “Tell your boyfriend I cheated on you…” This was the first time my friend learned her ex was unfaithful. He followed up with a second text saying it happened more than once. Spineless Dickhead.

This is a friendly blog to all those boys out there who think its okay to break a date or tell your ex-girlfriend you cheated on her via a TEXT MESSAGE.

Dude, it’s not okay.

Not at all. It’s passive and and weak and a total dickhead move.

Grow some balls boys!

Blu's Birthday Bash

After enjoying a priceless conversation with our mother this evening, I thought that it would be cruel of me to not share it with the rest of you. Please take into consideration that prior to the hilariousness of her story we were having an intellectual conversation about school and world issues (believe it or not). Also, please see bottom of script for definitions of starred terms and special notes.

Me: So Mom, what's new at the big Nutt?* What have you been doing lately?

Mom: Well, October 19th was Blu's birthday and NO ONE remembered.

Me: hahaha (thinking...of course I didn't remember...it's the dog. Then again, according to Mom and our grandparents Blu knows the days of the week, so why wouldn't he know his birthday.)

Mom: So, on Wednesday I left work early and went home to make Blu a fried chicken dinner.

Me: Did he enjoy that? (still laughing)

Mom: Oh yeah, he loved it! So, I made him his dinner and I sang him "Happy Birthday" and he kept looking at me like I was crazy.

Me: Probably because you were singing to him.

Mom: Well no, that's not why. I realized the next day, on Thursday, when I went to work that the day before was the 18th! That's why he looked at me so crazy, it was because I was celebrating his birthday on the wrong day. Luckily I had some leftovers and so he got birthday dinner again on Thursday.

Me: Thank God.

*the big Nutt: a slang term used by three girls and a boy when referring to Massanutten
*No judgement is allowed. She just feels everyone deserves a birthday celebration.

Before you know it Ho will be saying, "Just like Clyde, Blu is not a dog, he is a person."

WWMD?

What Would Mom Do?

On behalf of Three Girls and a Boy, I am proud to introduce a brand new segment on our blog: WWMD - What Would Mom Do? an advice column authored by our very own Mom, the Maker Of the Madness, the original milf.

Here's how it works: anyone with a burning question, or maybe a burning itch, can ask Mom for advice. Three Girls and a Boy will be posting our own questions and those submitted by others. If you're a friend of Three Girls and a Boy you can ask Mom for advice directly by posting a comment under the most recent WWMD post. Got it? Anyone who asks Mom for advice receives a free WWMD wrist band, our compliments to you.

WWMD #1

Dear Mom,

I am confused. I am a boy beagle and thought I would always enjoy the company of bitches. I've never actually been with a bitch, but my daddy tells me I would like it. The problem is Rags. Rags is a boy dog who was a houseguest for a several weeks. As much as I tried to suppress my feelings and urges, all I wanted to do was hump Rags -- and hump him I did. I tried to pretend like we were just wrestling, but Rags knew what I was doing, and he liked it. Now Rags is gone, and I miss my hump buddy.

Mom, does this make me a gay dog? I'm afraid my daddy won't love me if he thinks I'm gay.

Looking for love in all the wrong places,
Blu -- aka Humpty, pronounced with an Umpty

IT'S A TIT BIT NIPPLY OUTSIDE AND I WISH IT WAS HOOTER

Blacksburg, Virginia is expecting high temperatures in the 40s today. This can mean two things ladies and gentlemen:

1. My Raynaud's Phenomenon will be back in full force until April
2. It's time for us all to bust out our winter vocab.

Thanks to urbandictionary.com, I have provided you with a mini-vocabulary lesson. Read up, learn something, and use these terms while engaging in conversation today (preferably professional conversation).

1. As cold as a witches tit: an object that is extremely cold
Sentence use: The air is as cold as a witches tit.

2. Tipples: titty nipples
Sentence use: My tipples are rock hard in this cold weather.

3. Brass Monkey: a metaphorical thermometer
Sentence use: "It's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey!"

4. Titty Bit Nipply: The weather is cold enough for your nipples to become erect.
Sentence use: Turn on the heater, its a titty bit nipply.

5. Witch: (1) crazy bitches; (2) a word you use when talking about how cold it is
Sentence use: It's colder than a witches scrotum outside.

6. Snotsicle: when yo snot be runnin' down yo schnizzle when it be hawkin' and it freezes into a stalagtite lookin mofo!
Special sentence use: It's so cold outside I got a snotsicle that should be on display in Luray Caverns.

*All definitions and some sentences are from www.urbandictionary.com*

The Coffee Incident

It might be hump day, but that's the only good thing I can say about this day so far. Already an hour late for work (don't ask why), I pull into the parking garage, badge in one hand, coffee in the other (and oh yeah, I'm driving too). I have to shift gears, so I put my coffee in my lap and wouldn't you know it... the whole damn thing tips over. It's hot. I can feel it singeing my Lady Menorah. There's nothing I can do but let it sit there, fully seeping through to the back of my pants until I find a parking space 5 minutes later. Obviously I can't assess the damage sitting in my car in a dim parking garage, so I get out to inspect my crotch. I grab a few dunkin donuts napkins and start wiping away when I hear the screech of car tires. I look up, napkins in hand, and meet the eyes of two men who have no idea what the hell just happened. So, I did what any self-respecting lady would do: grabbed my things, and walked - head held high - into the building. Wet crotch and all. Now if only I could get that coffee smell to go away.

Why I Love Grey's Anatomy

"I want moonlight and flowers and candy and people trying to feel me up. Nobody is trying to feel me up!...Do you have any idea how much effort it takes to do this? I am waxed and plucked, and I have a clean top on....I want heat; I want romance. Damn it, I want to feel like a freakin lady."
-- Meredith to McDreamy and McVet

Sex, Lies, and Instant Messaging

This blog title could easily allude to my personal life, but politics proves a more apt subject.

Gay Republican: oxymoron or hypocrisy at its best?
It seems the Representative from Florida, Mark Foley, has been confused or in denial over his gayness and finds it "revolting" and "unforgivable" that people would openly question his sexuality. I think Rep Foley took the words right out of Clay Aiken's mouth. By now of course, I don't think there is any question over Rep. Foley's sexuality or his habit of pedophilia. The only good thing I can say about this controversy is at least Rep. Foley had the good sense to quickly resign when this mess became public late last week. The last thing this country needs is a Congressman denying to the American people his love for 16-year-old boys. If its true Speaker Hastert and other Republican leaders knew of the allegations for several months but kept mum for political reasons, they should resign as well.

While Foley has been accused of being gay, I don't think he has ever been accused of being smart. Did he not stop to think instant messages could be saved and used against him? The transcripts are all over the web, and I'm not going to bother including them here, except for a small excerpt just so you get the idea.

Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:38 PM): ive already told you that
Maf54 (8:08:47 PM): tell me again
Xxxxxxxxx (8:08:49 PM): 7 and 1/2
Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful

As if that's not enough, I'll leave you with this tidbit: Foley served as Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children and was the foremost opponent of child pornography. The media reported today Foley has checked himself into rehab for alcohol abuse. Super. A self-hating, alcoholic, gay, republican pedophile. This guy makes Mr. Bush look good.